Something Less Suspicious

By Lexi Anders

Here, at the SLS laundromat, we keep a log for both customers and workers alike to write their comments and questions. We ask that you keep your writing appropriate for all. No one wants things to be said that others don’t need to read.

Thanks, Management

  • So did anyone pick up that last shipment of special soap? We have to be careful about leaving that stuff around. Don’t want anyone else picking it up. *nudge, nudge, wink wink* -Ted 
  • That’s quite the understatement. Yes, I got it yesterday when it arrived. It’s in the back where we normally store it. Next time just ask in person. We don’t need to write that kind of stuff where the customers can see it. – Jules
  • Has anyone noticed how many of our customers also visit the Black Friday laundromat across the street? Do you think we need to check that out? That competition could be harmful for our business . . . – Lana
  • I’d like to give a fond farewell to my staff here. I will be temporarily leaving this establishment to go on a research mission. Make sure to run the business well while I’m gone. – Your Former Manager
  • Just out of curiosity, I don’t work here, but why do you need to do research in order to run a laundromat? Like how to keep the machines working or something? Because one of your machines is broken. – Customer Stacy
  • Hello, this is your new acting manager, Mr. Bakinsoda. I am excited to launder stuff with you!
  • Haha, that’s an interesting way to phrase it, Mr. Bakinsoda. I catch your drift. We totally wash stuff here and don’t do anything illegal. Also, you have a funny name. – Ted
  • Ted, would you mind? I’m sure you’re just being funny, but we don’t need anyone to get the wrong idea if they read these notes. -Jules
  • What idea would that be, Jules? This business does launder things, after all. -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • We don’t phrase it like that, sir. It’s not smart. -Jules
  • So . . . I don’t mean to be paranoid, but you guys are making me a little nervous with your notes in here. We don’t want anyone to investigate us, so please stop writing such suspicious things. -Lana
  • Lana, by writing that you aren’t helping. To be clear, our business does not do anything illegal. We have actual washer machines that you can use and we also sell some special soap at only $9.99! -Jules
  • I noticed that you still haven’t fixed the laundry machine in the corner. Did you not see my note before? I don’t mean to annoy you, but I just wanted to make sure you knew.

-Customer Stacy

  • Thank you for the notice, Stacy. We are aware of the issue and will take care of it. – Jules
  • Hey, you don’t think that the customer who keeps mentioning the machine knows something do you? I’m just a little worried . . . I don’t want any trouble. -Lana
  • We would have less trouble if you didn’t write that kind of thing on here, Lana. We want to keep this log professional, okay? Don’t write about the business on here where it can be read. -Jules
  • Why hasn’t that washer machine been fixed though? We won’t be able to launder as much stuff if we have one that’s broken. Do I need to order something? -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • No, we have plenty of other working machines. -Jules
  • Besides, we use that one for the other business. -Ted
  • I don’t think Mr. Bakinsoda knows, Ted. -Jules
  • Knows about what? I know about the soap we sell, I think it’s a great idea. It’s probably why we get so many customers. I’ve made a note to do the same. -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • Do the same? Would you guys be more careful? I’m on parole right now and if I get caught again . . . ! -Lana
  • Don’t worry, Lana. No one will take your umbrella. I just meant that I am going to sell some soap myself. What’s the secret recipe, again? -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • It’s not something we discuss on here. But trust me, it makes us a lot of income so it is very worth it. -Ted (P.S. why are you talking about an umbrella?)
  • How many times do I have to tell you- NOT to write this stuff on the sheet, guys?? -Jules
  • Have any of you actually met Mr. Bakinsoda? I’ve been trying to find him so I can tell him the secret recipe. -Ted
  • We’ve met. Don’t you remember? I gave you some gum. -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • I don’t remember that. But, have any of you noticed the little kid who keeps hanging around here? -Ted
  • I think I’m going to leave this business, it’s too risky. I want to keep my hands clean and I never wanted to be a part of this in the first place! -Lana
  • You all are hopeless. I think I’m leaving too. -Jules
  • So wait, Ted are you the only other one working here now? -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • Yep, but don’t you worry! That just means we don’t have to split the dough in so many ways. -Ted
  • That is very true, the less people, the more bread we get for ourselves. -Mr Bakinsoda
  • Exactly! That’s the spirit. -Ted
  • Just a friendly reminder that you have a broken washer in here. – Customer Stacy
  • I really think we need to replace that washer. I keep seeing people put quarters in there without realizing it’s broken. Even with the GIANT “out-of-order” sign. -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • There’s a reason for that. See . . . that’s how they signal us for the other side of the business. -Ted
  • This is your delivery person. I came to deliver the goods, but no one was there to receive it except for some kid. I’ll be coming back in a couple of days, but if you don’t pick it up I’ll take my business elsewhere.
  • Maybe, I should hire some more workers after all. We can’t be missing shipments like that! Would you like to do some scouting, Ted? -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • Sure, but I still haven’t seen you in the store at all, and I need to make sure someone looks after the special soap in the back. *nudge, nudge, wink wink* -Ted
  • I’m in the store all the time! I’ve even been sleeping in here. I thought I made it clear who I was when I saw you last time. I handed you that stack of cash and winked. Remember? -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • Wait- you’re the kid? -Ted
  • Well, I am on the younger side, but I wouldn’t say I’m a kid. I’m a Mr. after all. -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • You must be a protagé or something, that is so cool. I’ll be back then, make sure no one wanders into the backroom while I’m out. -Ted
  • If anyone wants something laundered feel free to ask. We have a special deal with money! -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • Well good, because I don’t pay with anything else. Or do you mean that only cash is acceptable and not credit card? -Customer Nathan
  • You can pay with any method, I just meant you get a discount when you launder money. – Mr. Bakinsoda
  • I found some potential workers, but I need you to check them out, sir. -Ted
  • What do you mean by laundering money?? Is that a joke? -Customer Nathan
  • No, the place across the street does it too. They wash it all the time. I should know, I used to work there. -Mr. Bakinsoda
  • Seriously?? No wonder you’re so smart. Our boss went to check out your business to see how it was doing so well. Isn’t it ironic that you work here now? It’s like you two just switched places! -Ted
  • Wait- what?? Dad is the one who took over my business while I was spying over here?? I’m sorry Ted, but I have to go back. There’s not much more I can learn from here anyway. I hereby appoint you as the acting manager. -Yours truly, Mr. Bakinsoda
  • So . . . I’m alone now?? – Manager Ted
  • You won’t have to be alone for much longer, Ted. Can you tell me more about your laundering business? – Jones
  • Are you interested in joining? -Manager Ted
  • Of course, I love to make some money if you know what I mean. But, I need some specifics before I sign on. Who’s your supplier? -Jones
  • The McAffrey brothers are our main supplier, so we’re pretty stable with our special soap. *nudge, nudge, wink wink* -Manager Ted
  • Uhhuh, and when do they normally do their drop offs? -Jones
  • Tonight actually. Where did you say you worked before? -Manager Ted
  • You’ll find out. I plan on paying you a visit with some buddies for the drop off tonight. -Jones
  • Okay, cool. -Manager Ted
  • This is Customer Stacy. It’s been a week, but every time I come into your laundromat all the power is shut off. Don’t tell me that one broken machine had a virus that spread? With so many workers here I thought you could have taken care of that . . . Or did something happen that night when the street was blocked off? I heard sirens and I was a little concerned. -Customer Stacy
  • This is Sergeant Jones, from the police department. There was some illegal business going on here at the Something Less Suspicious laundromat and we put a stop to it. You’ll have to find another laundromat to go to, ma’am. There are two others in town. I’m not sure which one I would recommend though . . .

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