Captain Noseless

By Jerry

“Captain Noseless! It’s gone!” Jane yelled from the door to the captain’s quarters.

“It’s gone, what do you mean it’s gone!” the captain yelled as she jumped up from her seat and grabbed her sword and ran on to the deck.

“Captain, what do we d—”

“Jimmy!!” Jimmy’s mom yelled from the kitchen.

“Yes, Mom?” Jimmy said, putting down his book and running to the kitchen.

“Can you help me go through these boxes,” Jimmy’s mom said, setting a box on the kitchen island.

“Of course, Mom. What are they?” Jimmy asked.

“Well…” Jimmy’s mom paused with a slightly sad look on her face. “Well, it’s your dad’s old stuff. I thought we should clean up his old office so we can make some room for Jaiden for when he gets back from the army so he can have his own room,” the mom finished saying.

Jimmy’s father had passed away 5 years ago and after that Jimmy’s brother Jaiden had joined the army and they had just never been able to clean their father’s study. It was hard to do so but it had been five years since then and Jane (Jimmy’s mother’s name) decided that she wanted to clean it up so she talked with both of her kids and they all agreed that they were finally ready to do that so. Now that we’ve explained everything we can get back to the story.

“Oh…OK, Mom,” Jimmy said. “Where should I start?”

His mom pointed over to a box by his feet and said, “Start there and work your way over to the island.”


“Oh! And I need to go to the store to get balloons for the party Saturday, so are you going to be OK here by yourself?”

“Yeah, I’ll be just fine. Bye, Mom.”

Jimmy’s mom then grabbed her purse and keys and walked out the door.

“Hmm…now where do I start again?” Jimmy tried to remember what his mother had told him earlier. “Oh yeah, on the island, duh.” So thinking that was where his mother had said to start, even though that’s not where he was told to start (not that it matters, really, but seriously, you could not have just looked by your feet! But anyways…) he started to look through the boys and he noticed a bottle. He was about to throw it away when he noticed that there was an octopus just like the octopus in his book. The octopus was very dangerous so he did what any 10-year-old would do: he took the bottle and hid it in his room because clearly that’s the most reasonable thing to do.

“I want to show this to my brother but I’m scared if I tell my mom she’s going to take it away,” Jimmy thought to himself but that didn’t make sense because why would she ever do that!? This kid can be re-e-ealy stupid sometimes but he hid it anyway and went back to looking through boxes. He found quite a few things that he wanted to keep so when his mother came home he asked if he could keep them. She said yes to most of them. She did not really want her 10-year-old having a SHARP sword in his room so-o-o she confiscated that and let him keep the rest. He was disappointed but happy that he could get to keep the rest of them. It was pretty late when they finished going through and cleaning the office so Jimmy went to bed or that’s what he told his mom, which wasn’t a lie, he was in his bed, just not sleeping. He was trying to research the octopus in the bottle that he found earlier in the best way he could by reading his book, which is totally not an excuse to read late at night because it was research.

“Now where was I?” Jimmy thought.

(“Captain, Captain,” Jane yelled. “It’s Captain Brickstone! He’s the—” Jane was interrupted by an arrow piercing her leg. “Ahh!” A yell of pain escaped from her mouth.

Captain Noseless frantically searched the boat for the person that shot the arrow but did not see any nearby boats or crew, which was concerning. Where did the arrow come from and where were her crew? As these things raced through her head she was interrupted by a great big tentacle wrapping around her waist and pulling her into the water surrounding her. As she struggled to fight her way free from the tentacle’s grip she caught a glimpse of where her crew and a ship were laying in the grip of a huge octopus.)

“Yawn! I should probably go to sleep now.” So Jimmy put his book on his night stand, turned off his light and went to sleep. When he woke up he looked at where he had put the octopus and to his surprise it was gone. The octopus was gone. What had happened? Had the cat come and knocked it over somehow? But then how did it get in his room? But then he remembered that they didn’t own a cat so that’s out of the question if it was eve in the question. Now that’s the question. Maybe, but anyways looking around he panicked. Where did it go!? And then he noticed that, “Where did my night stand go?”

Jimmy was very concerned so he ran out of his room, ran down the hallway and into his mother’s room and yelled, “We’ve been ROBBED!”

Scared and still half asleep, she ran all around the house and she did see a lot of things missing, but weird things were missing, not things you would expect to be stolen, like money, but bills, which is a really weird thing to steal, so his mom was really confused as you should be when your BILLS were stolen and a couple of other things were also missing. A couple other things, but those also weird: a candle, a bouquet of flowers and a knife with an eagle handle.

Ding! Dong! The doorbell rang.

“Who’s that?” Jimmy’s mom asked, forgetting that her other son was supposed to come home today. She went to see who it was and was shocked. “Why are you here?” Jimmy’s mom said. “You’re not my son!”

“I know I—”

“Who are you?!”


“Oh wait, mail day…”


“But where’s my package?”


The stranger yelled angrily that Jimmy’s mom had been interrupting her.

“Well, there’s—”

“Shush up, I’m talking now!” the stranger yelled again. “Jane, you idiot, do you not recognize me! I’m Captain Noseless of the Mississippi River,” the stranger finished.

“Captain Noseless…I thought you died?” Jane questioned how she was still alive when she was very dead all those years ago.

“Wait, you’re Captain Noseless?” Jimmy questioned Captain Noseless, confused. “I thought you were just a story.”

“You thought I, your amazing aunt, was a story?” Captain Noseless said, shocked. “Did Jane never tell you about me?”

“I did too tell you.” Jane looked at Jimmy and thought he must’ve forgotten, so she explained that she used to be a part of a pirate crew, but then she met the captain’s brother and they fell in love, got married, and had two kids.

“But that doesn’t explain why you’re here.” Jimmy pointed at Captain Noseless.

“Oh, yes, well, I sense the octopus of Mississippi here and I knew you were in danger,” Captain Noseless Said.

“What kind of danger?” Jane asked.

“If the octopus is free, then it’s going to be stealing things and eating them. Are you missing random things around your house?” the captain said.

“Yes, actually,” Jane said.

“OK, then, we need to find the fiend. Kill it,” the Captain said with her hand on her sword.

So they searched the entire house and then, Ding! Dong!

“That must be my son,” Jane said and went to open the door, but to her surprise it was a smallish octopus that almost looked as though its skin was made of metal and it was trying to eat the doorbell.

“It’s over!” Jane yelled to the captain. The Captain ran over to the door with her sword drawn and when she saw the octopus she started to run towards it and slash, clang! The metal octopus split in two and revealed a cute tiny ceramic octopus. The captain picked up the figurine and gave it to Jimmy and left.

The End.

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